Anxieties over South Korea

On August 4th of 2012, I will make my first ever trip out of the country, which will also involve my first ever ride on an airplane. It will also include my first ever time living in another country, my first ever time being away from my family and boyfriend for 6 months and my first time teaching English as a foreign language. I'm ready to go, I think, but the anxiety is killing me. So much so, that I am having a really hard time focusing on other things right now, which is not a good thing at all.

So much is required to prepare for the trip. I got my passport for the first time and applied for my visa. I bought suitcases and my carry-on bag, and I have plastic boxes to fill with things I can't take with me for storage purposes. I've got a lot of things to go through...

My new jobs are helping to fund for my trip to Korea, which is a huge help. I just wish the jobs weren't so mentally and physically intensive; It makes it so much harder to do well for those jobs. I have bought my basic toiletries, and I have some clothes to take as well. I am just hoping it is all enough...

Mental preparation is going to be a lot harder to do though. I can't get over how much I am going to miss my boyfriend of 5 years. I trust him enough that I know we will make it through these 6 months, but I really don't know how I am going to handle being so far away from him for so long. We're currently spoiled: 3 minute drive away and very few things holding us from being able to see each other. Never went more than a week without seeing him. Just 2 days makes me terribly lonely... I'm not gonna lie, sometimes, I cry when I think about it. I'm a big baby, I know I am, so I'm afraid of what to expect. It's a rather large leap though. If I was moving within the country, that would be a lot easier to handle. But I am going to practically be on the other side of the planet. Pretty far :/

I worry about my family while I am away. I am sure they'll be fine, but I can't help but worry. It's only natural. I'll leave behind good friends, but all we live so far away already, it shouldn't be much different, right? Haha. I know I am going to miss my dog, Bongo. I really do love that dog, and he helps to bring up my mood when I am down like no human being can... so it's going to be really depressing not having him there. I have thought about taking him, but I know I can't. It's just a wish.

I am also worried about whether or not I am doing everything right. I just want the trip to go smoothly. I hope I don't lose nay luggage, get lost, miss a plane, or have trouble with communication. I hope people aren't rude or snooty and will understand my anxiety. I hope I don't screw up in a massive way.

On top of all that is my phobia of airplanes. I don't know how one can be phobic of riding airplanes having never been on one, but from what I hear, the experience of actually doing it is what helps to relive some of that stress. I've been watching videos of people riding airplanes and it does make me feel a little better seeing how smooth it really is. The thought of being trapped inside that tube for so many hours with the possibility of death always there certainly doesn't make me feel better though. Honestly, I can imagine myself getting queasy or fainting from nervousness (which I do).

When the day comes closer, I am sure my anxiety will increase for all the reasons above. Right now, I have about a month left. I wish I could spend it relaxing and not having to worry... but I can relax when I get there, right?